If “Using Profanity” was one of the Seven Deadly Sins, I’d be feeling pretty good about myself right now. Sadly, it’s not. In fact, I just googled “Seven Deadly Sins” – Expletive Hurling is nowhere on the list, and of the Seven that are, I’m pretty sure I’ve broken them all in the last thirty six hours.

I mention this as a way of easing into a potentially controversial topic in some circles regarding the Blue Like Jazz movie…

The screenwriting software I use has a feature called “profanity statistics” wherein all the expletives in a screenplay are magically counted and displayed in a tally. While the CussCount™ for Blue Like Jazz is lower than Al Pacino’s shootout scene in Scarface, it is considerably higher than all the Pixar movies combined.

For most of you reading this – No Big Deal. You assume that a movie set on the “most godless campus in America” is going to contain some measure of “language.” You don’t want it to be gratuitous, like that final shootout scene in Scarface (although who among us can judge what’s gratuitous when we’re riddled with bullets and high on cocaine?). But you expect, in a movie like ours, to hear a certain number of ****s, ****s, ***es, and possibly even the judicious use of ******* when spoken solely as an adjective.

But there are others of you who question the need for any profanity in Blue Like Jazz. After all, there isn’t any in the book, right? Aren’t there plenty of other movies set on college campuses that are good, clean fun for the whole family?

Good points all. While it’s true that the book managed to skirt the issue via Don’s first person narrative, our movie unfolds in dialogue, not voiceover. And yes, there are plenty of college-set movies you can take the kids to, although I believe most were filmed in black and white and include Flubber in the title.

For those who take issue with this news, please know that I’m sympathetic to your concerns. We, the screenwriters, really wrestled with the issue, and while our hope is that we’ve struck an appropriate balance, we suspect that when the movie’s released, your complaints about too much bad language will be countered by those who wanted more.

In the meantime, we offer this olive branch to fans wanting the language scrubbed: We’re open to your suggestions. Really. Please post a reply with your favorite non-curse word or phrase, use it in a sentence, and we’ll try out the best ones as alternate takes.

And for all you merry pranksters who might be tempted to lace your reply with expletives – don’t be an ******.

Like this blog, it was done at management’s insistence – they’re convinced it will be important for the Blue Like Jazz movie’s “future cross-promotional efforts,” and who am I to argue? They gave me a two hour tutorial on How To Facebook, then I left on a Thanksgiving trip with the family. I’ve been overwhelmed and bewildered ever since.

It’s not that I don’t understand the basic concept. It’s that I still don’t understand Facebook etiquette. If I accept you as a Friend, do I have to take your Bumper Sticker? Will you be offended if I don’t reply to your Wall post? Why would I want to poke you?

I know… all of you FB-Veterans are thinking, “What’s the big deal?” But I’m like Tom Hanks in Castaway having that blond lady from Twister explain what’s happened the last four years. Do I even have a place in your Brave New World? When I get your Mafia Wars request, how do I respond without causing needless offense and/or bloodshed?

For those of you who would like to be my Facebook Friend, here are some general guidelines:

1. If you’re African American, you’re automatically in. No questions asked. In fact, your entire family is invited to be my Friend – cousins, in-laws, a neighbor who knows Denzel, bring ‘em all. And no, this is not because I’ve got too many white friends, nor is it because my Friend List looks like the U.N. delegation from Iceland. It’s because We Don’t Need No Colour Code.
2. If you’re from a foreign country, you’re in. No exceptions. I’ve traveled the world, and just knowing I’ve got Friends in Nepal gives me a heightened sense of well-being. If you’re currently under CIA surveillance, shoot me the details and post a photo of the family pet – I’m sure we can work something out.
3. If you consider yourself a “fan,” know that in my mind, we were always friends, but I’m happy to make it official. If you feel compelled to post photos from a concert you attended, please follow these simple rules:

   You’re only allowed to post photos of my good side.

   I can’t currently recall which side is my good side.

   Please avoid posting photos that fall under these subcategories:

   Me in a jacket with the sleeves pushed up.

   Me in a white suit covered with colorful triangles.

   Me in a dress.

   Me in yellow and black spandex. (Oops – wrong band.)

   Me wearing anything with a metallic sheen.

   Me wearing anything that a reasonably intelligent and self-assured musician wouldn’t be caught dead in, regardless of era.

   Me wearing anything that my daughter will mockingly show her 5th grade friends during computer class.

4. If you’re a friend of a Friend, I will allow up to seven degrees of separation.
5. Finally, if you’re already a close, personal friend and you make a Friend Request, please know that I’ll probably accept, but I’ve been wondering why you never call.

Steve Taylor’s Profile | Create Your Badge

The position of my favorite table at Bongo Java is, admittedly, awkward. It’s the last table in a narrow, back hallway; and it sits just outside the seldom-used unisex bathroom. This is only a problem during peak traffic. The more popular and easily accessible front bathroom (a one-seater) gets occupied, causing Those Seeking Relief to wander toward the three-tabled annex, where they encounter the other door marked “restroom” and assume that, because I’m sitting at the table to its left, I must be the Troll That Guards The Secret Toilet.

I lower my head and type like crazy, hoping they won’t ask me if anyone’s in there. They take the hint and check the door for themselves. If it’s open, everything proceeds the way nature intended. If it’s locked, I feel the cold stare of their silent disapproval wanting to scream, “Hey! Troll who’s correcting the Steve Taylor Wikipedia page! Why didn’t you tell me there’s someone in the can?!”

But they don’t, because they’re too busy deciding whether to wait and risk looking desperate, or pretend like they really didn’t need to go in the first place. Most choose the latter, but approximately one in five choose to wait. And among the waiters, approximately one in ten recognize The Troll.

PERSON SEEKING RELIEF: Hey, Steve.

STEVE (looking up): Hey…

Steve smiles broadly to mask the fact that he neither recognizes the face nor recalls the name.

PSR: What are you working on these days?

STEVE: Have you heard of the book “Blue Like Jazz?”

PSR: I LOVE that book! It changed my life!

STEVE: Yeah? Well, I’m doing a movie of it.

At this point, the Person Seeking Relief deftly picks one of three possible responses:

PSR: Wow! That’s exciting! I’ll be there opening weekend! Would you happen to have Don Miller’s private email address?

or…

PSR (after an uncomfortable pause): Hmm. Well… if anyone can pull that off, it’s… you, I guess. Do you have Don Miller’s email?

or…

PSR (checking for dilation of my pupils): That’s great, Steve. You always reach for goals that are just beyond your reach, eh? Well don’t let me interrupt your “pre-production,” and maybe when I’m back here in five years and you’re still the Bongo Restroom Sentinel – assuming mandatory retirement hasn’t kicked in – you can let me know if there’s anybody in the friggin’ crapper. I bid you good day, sir.

Second, I’m not Steve!  My name is Erick Goss and I’m an executive producer who works with Steve and was the guy who convinced him to blog in the first place.  I’m the equivalent of a “suit” but wear jeans or khakis most days.  When Steve talks about the guys forcing him into social media, the target of his angst is me.

Third, little did I know that in the process of launching a blog (Steve was not excited about the idea) that we would be victims of “spamdexing”.  This wasn’t immediately apparent to us as I have been busy raising money for the movie and Steve tries to avoid the blog in every way possible (any encouragement is welcome!).

A few weeks ago Steve excitedly told me that we had more than a thousand comments on his last blog post.  He noted that one of the commenters in particular was very complimentary (they left comments like “great site”), had an affinity for referencing verses from the Gospel of John as their name (e.g. John1277, John 316, John 347)  and for some reason had an obsession with erectile dysfunction medication.  I immediately recognized we had been spammed and that our efforts in social media were off to a slow start.  After finally getting a chance to address the problem and marking about 3500 comments as spam, we’re back in action and Steve is ready (and somewhat willing) to begin blogging.

For those of you who have found this blog (and aren’t spambots), thank you for your support and encouragement…especially to those of you who even volunteered to manage our blog and take care of the spam issue!  Please know that Steve is about to blog…consistently….and we are making good progress on the movie.

Our most significant obstacle right now is raising money.  In addition to the challenge of the worst economy in our lifetime, most people who love the book don’t have money and most people who have money don’t know about the book.  This has presented quite a challenge.  That said, we’ve had some major wins over the last 30 days and are developing good momentum.  Our hope is to shoot the movie in the spring or early summer but everything is contingent on money and getting the right cast.  Once those two things come together, Steve will be free to create cinematic greatness.

Many of you have asked how you can help.  I plan to update the blog with ideas over the next few weeks but here are a couple of things that would help in the near term:

1)  Pray.  We really need your prayers.  There are lots of things we need prayer for but I’ll address those more specifically in the future.  Just praying that we’d find funding (“God, please help Steve, Erick and team find the money they need need to shoot Blue Like Jazz!”) and a great cast (“God, help them find great leads who are as excited about Blue Like Jazz as we are!”) would be a huge help.

2)  Spread the word.  The more people know about the movie and what we’re trying to do, the easier it is for us to get funded.  A lot of potential investors don’t know about Blue Like Jazz and the impact it’s had on people’s lives.  They do understand numbers.  The more people blog about the movie, sign up for the newsletter, become Steve’s friend on Facebook, the easier it is for investors to understand the impact of the book and the likelihood the movie will be a success.

3) Share your ideas.  Let us know what you think we should be doing.  Some of you have already shared some great ideas that we’re in the process of working on.  Any advice is welcome (at least for now)

Thanks again for your support of Steve and Blue Like Jazz!