THE INTERVENTION (Part 1)

(February 18, 2010)
by steve
10 Comments

I wish you could have been at my intervention yesterday.

I thought it was just going to be another weekly meeting with my business partners to update me on where they’re at raising funds for the “Blue Like Jazz” movie. Those meetings typically run something like this:

ME: So… where are we at?
THEM: We’re really close.

But this meeting was different. There was something in the office air that day. It smelled like a trap.

ME: So… (sniffing the air, eyes darting around the room for clues)… where are we at?
THEM: You need to blog more.

I sprang for the door. Too late – it had been locked from the outside. I briefly considered doing a Jason Bourne through the window, but it was really cold outside and I was underdressed.

So I plopped back down in my chair, exhaled through my nose, then suggested (with possibly a hint of sarcasm) that IF THEY WOULD CONSIDER PERFORMING THEIR NUMBER ONE FUNCTION AND GET THIS MOVIE FUNDED, PERHAPS I’D HAVE SOMETHING TO BLOG ABOUT!!!

Like any good Interventionists, they deftly turned the tables on me. Out came an impressive array of charts, pie graphs and metrics showing how every time I post a new blog, our website traffic spikes, the project’s profile gets raised, we garner more contacts, our streets become safer, and America’s Promise is renewed for generations to come.

I attempted the Humility Defense: I’m not an expert on anything, so why should anybody care about my opinions? They countered with another round of pie graphs proving that I was, in fact, the Most Interesting Man In America. Then they read aloud a personal note from Pope Benedict XVI with words to the effect that “for Steve Taylor to deprive the public of his insights would be considered a Mortal Sin.”

ME: Can I see that note?
THEM: No.

I told them The Pope wasn’t the boss of me. Then I stuck out my tongue and threatened to start being uninteresting just to prove a point. They said they didn’t care as long as it increased traffic.

I felt naked and cornered. I started to cry – deep, heaving sobs like I’d been taught in my Sanford Meisner Acting Technique workshops.

ME: I can’t…(sob)…breathe…(sob)…in the blogosphere.
THEM: Here’s a tissue. Take the box.

to be continued…

The Hypocrite’s Non-Endorsement

(February 5, 2010)
by steve
10 Comments

For simplicity’s sake, I don’t do endorsements.

Perhaps you’ve asked me for one in the past – your new album, your latest book, your game-changing product, etc. I’ve politely declined after explaining to you that I’ve maintained a non-endorsement policy for years just so I don’t have to pick and choose who to say yes to. My friends all say they understand. I’m pretty sure they don’t.

This non-endorsement policy of mine is, admittedly, hypocritical: 1) I’ve occasionally solicited endorsements in the past » » Keep Reading

And the winner is…

(October 15, 2009)
by steve
14 Comments

We Have A Winner!

Yes, I let this go on for an extra day or so, but I was having so much fun reading your guesses. The Winner of the One-Word Error Prize is Jackie R, who correctly guessed the shocking truth from page 228 of “A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.”

It wasn’t sweat. It was snot.

I tried so hard to hold it in, but gravity had the final say. And even though it’s been twenty-eight years since the actual occurrence, just writing this makes my » » Keep Reading

The One-Word Error Prize

(October 13, 2009)
by steve
24 Comments

Do you remember the last time someone posted or emailed you a group photo that you’re in? Did your eyes, like two heat-seeking missiles, immediately home in on your own face, checking yourself out to see if you looked presentable? Did you mentally Photoshop-out any unsightly blemishes and/or give yourself a virtual nose job?

Neither did I.

I did, however, just finish reading about myself in Donald Miller’s new book “A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.”

The experience is not » » Keep Reading

All Glowy

(August 4, 2009)
by steve
46 Comments

I don’t mean to gush, but I read every one of your hundred-plus comments from the “On Language” blog and it made me all glowy » » Keep Reading

On Language

(July 15, 2009)
by steve
150 Comments

Those who know me will testify that I rarely, if ever, use profanity in my day-to-day speech. (Okay, when I ran the record label there was that one staff meeting when I called that guy an *******, but at the time he really was acting like an ******* and I was merely articulating a consensus view for the purposes of team-building.) » » Keep Reading

Interpoll

(June 12, 2009)
by steve
3 Comments

I woke up in a cold sweat last night realizing that our newly redesigned website needed some sort of “online polling” mechanism. Hence, “The Interpoll.” My hope is that our culturally savvy readership will enjoy this hyphen-free combination of terms with its bonus evocation of international law enforcement and a certain Joy Division-inspired band, and that you’ll exercise your right to vote whenever duty calls. Why The Interpoll? First, it plugs an unsightly hole in the layout. Second, it reminds even the most » » Keep Reading

Be My Friend

(March 23, 2009)
by steve
16 Comments

It’s been four months since I joined Facebook.

Like this blog, it was done at management’s insistence – they’re convinced it will be important for the Blue Like Jazz movie’s “future cross-promotional efforts,” and who am I to argue? They gave me a two hour tutorial on How To Facebook, then I left on a Thanksgiving trip with the family. I’ve been overwhelmed and bewildered ever » » Keep Reading