Let’s see… where did I leave off?
Oh yeah. I was crying like a little girl about having to blog more, and my business partners had just offered me a Kleenex.
ME: I can’t…(sob)…breathe…(sob)…in the blogosphere.
THEM: Here’s a tissue. Take the box. It’s a good thing you don’t act in your own movies, because you have zero believability.
This, frankly, hurt my feelings. I started rocking back and forth like Rainman in my Aeron chair, counting prime numbers with my fingers. This seemed to alarm them, as if maybe they’d pushed me too far. I could feel their resolve starting to crumble. Steve: 1 / Intervention: nil
Then one of them waved his Flip videocam in my face and threatened to post the footage he’d just secretly captured. Checkmate.
ME: So what do I blog about?
THEM: Blog about anything. Quantity is more important than quality.
ME: You mean, like mid-career Prince?
THEM: Huh?
ME: Give me examples.
THEM: Well… What would the Most Interesting Man In America blog about? Philosophy? Technology’s two-edged sword? The inner life of the aesthete? The age-old dialectic between art and commerce?
ME: No. No. What’s an aesthete? And no.
THEM: How about we post all those old music videos you directed and you can do a written director’s commentary? That way you can disguise your self-aggrandizement as an act of public service to your ever-shrinking fan base, all while reminding yourself of mistakes not to repeat when you finally make the movie?
ME: Hmm.
THEM (going for the kill): Blogging’s like a beauty contest. And the public is the panel of judges. You’re trying to convince the widest audience possible that you’re pretty.
ME (nodding solemnly): You’ve finally used a metaphor I can relate to.
So that’s the plan. I’m going to blog about stuff we can all relate to, like how I got those twins to cry in the “On The Fritz” video. And maybe I’ll blog about stuff that’s obscure, too. (I’ll shoot for one or two posts a week.) You’re going to tell people I’m pretty. And this will all make for a better movie.
The request lines are open.
