It’s been four months since I joined Facebook.
Like this blog, it was done at management’s insistence – they’re convinced it will be important for the Blue Like Jazz movie’s “future cross-promotional efforts,” and who am I to argue? They gave me a two hour tutorial on How To Facebook, then I left on a Thanksgiving trip with the family. I’ve been overwhelmed and bewildered ever since.
It’s not that I don’t understand the basic concept. It’s that I still don’t understand Facebook etiquette. If I accept you as a Friend, do I have to take your Bumper Sticker? Will you be offended if I don’t reply to your Wall post? Why would I want to poke you?
I know… all of you FB-Veterans are thinking, “What’s the big deal?” But I’m like Tom Hanks in Castaway having that blond lady from Twister explain what’s happened the last four years. Do I even have a place in your Brave New World? When I get your Mafia Wars request, how do I respond without causing needless offense and/or bloodshed?
For those of you who would like to be my Facebook Friend, here are some general guidelines:
- If you’re African American, you’re automatically in. No questions asked. In fact, your entire family is invited to be my Friend – cousins, in-laws, a neighbor who knows Denzel, bring ‘em all. And no, this is not because I’ve got too many white friends, nor is it because my Friend List looks like the U.N. delegation from Iceland. It’s because We Don’t Need No Colour Code.
- If you’re from a foreign country, you’re in. No exceptions. I’ve traveled the world, and just knowing I’ve got Friends in Nepal gives me a heightened sense of well-being. If you’re currently under CIA surveillance, shoot me the details and post a photo of the family pet – I’m sure we can work something out.
- If you consider yourself a “fan,” know that in my mind, we were always friends, but I’m happy to make it official. If you feel compelled to post photos from a concert you attended, please follow these simple rules:
- You’re only allowed to post photos of my good side.
- I can’t currently recall which side is my good side.
- Please avoid posting photos that fall under these subcategories:
- Me in a jacket with the sleeves pushed up.
- Me in a white suit covered with colorful triangles.
- Me in a dress.
- Me in yellow and black spandex. (Oops – wrong band.)
- Me wearing anything with a metallic sheen.
- Me wearing anything that a reasonably intelligent and self-assured musician wouldn’t be caught dead in, regardless of era.
- Me wearing anything that my daughter will mockingly show her 5th grade friends during computer class.
- If you’re a friend of a Friend, I will allow up to seven degrees of separation.
- Finally, if you’re already a close, personal friend and you make a Friend Request, please know that I’ll probably accept, but I’ve been wondering why you never call.
Steve Taylor’s Profile | Create Your Badge
Of course, at the end of this all, you’re supposed to put a link to your facebook profile. Do you know how many Steve Taylors there are in the world? Yeah, well, neither do I. How about Steve Taylors, Steven Taylors, Steven D. Greydenuses there are on Facebook?
Answer: Over 500.
The follow-up question rather quickly becomes: which one are you? Are you the Afro-American Steve Taylor? The Steve Taylor in Speedos and a giant cross, what with all the chest hair? The Steve Taylor from Duluth with a picture of something architectural? The Stephen Taylor drinking from the giant Bud can? The one with all the karate trophies? One of the hundreds without a profile pic? Are you masquerading as a teenage girl named Taylor Stephens? C’mon, throw us a bone here.
Well stated, Trent. We’ve corrected the problem.
And someday, Lord willing, I SHALL be the Steve Taylor with all the karate trophies.
I LOVE THIS BLOG!!! As much as I love your music..and YOU!!
Yay about the movie. I will see it. Too bad Roy Clark from Hee-Haw is getting too old to play Don. Did you ever see the book ‘Jazz Notes – Improvisations on Blue Like Jazz’? My bro (Todd Hafer, genius) worked on it with Miller Time as a gift book. Turned out pretty cool. Hope the movie scores BIIIGGG! I’ll make all my preachers’ kids friends see it.
Steve, I haven’t seen you in years, but I think you are great. I can’t wait to figure out just exactly going on with you. In the past you have surrounded in an aura when you preform-kinda a “smokey goodness”
LOL ive always know where you stood. You are a quiet leader. Luv ya Brother.
Even worse than putting a photo of you in your white suit covered in triangles, would be a photo of me (at age 37) wearing my hot pink ‘On The Fritz’ size SMALL t-shirt (autographed by you and Sheila Walsh). That would frighten the children.
Ok, here are my qualifications: I’m married to someone who SINGS like he’s African-American, I have visited some foreign countries and can speak in a Spinal Tap-esque British accent, I’m a fan, consider myself a friend, and will hold off on all concert photos (particularly from the 80’s) if you will.
Dang, I am SO in!
Steve you are still really hilarious and high-energy! Wow. I promise not to post any old photos of you wearing anything above mentioned. I consider myself a personal friend, since you were my youth leader, hope that’s ok. That looks like a really great movie, I’m glad churches are beginning to make movies for Christians…those are the best movies of all – your dad always had a movie night for us – I learned alot.
Chat later, (no you don’t have to respond to me every time, since you have like 17 million fans…but once in a while would be really nice!)
Stay Cool,
Cynthia
Well said Steve. However, I’m curious… what about foreign African-American fans who are friends of a friend who post that concert photo of you in your triangle laden white sheen suit (incidentally, you do have the jacket sleeves pushed up)? Unfortunately it was taken from your bad side. So… are they in?!
By the way, we all know you secretly wore yellow and black spandex …under the dress.
Fair enough, Steve. Facebook. It does seem to be the ultimate in social abuse for all the right reasons. For someone who actually has people who would adore them from all over enough to make their email address Iwant2BaClone@(some provider out there) [Hey sue me, I admit you changed the way I look at life, liberty and Robert Tilton... without the horns], facebook is kind of like giving invitations to the local stalker/psychotic killer to write you as often as possible. It’s a good thing you’re a naturally attention-seeking or accepting individual, otherwise all of this might cause an otherwise well-adjusted person to freak out in a deluge of random coffee drinking at odd hours and the purchasing of high-caliber weaponry. But, we’re talking about the “other” people here, aren’t we?
Thus the spandex comment.
But, I secretly think you might be all of the other Steve Taylor’s that Trent commented upon, because we all know that you’ve been saving a myriad of “personas” in case the government really finds out what you’re really up to.
Steve you rock. One one of the things that makes you so awesome is youre sense of humor and your cultural conciousness (my bad thats two) Even though I’m bummed yer not doin concerts anymore I’m gladtohear yer still concious. By the way that triangle jacket wasnt allbad. I also like yer standards thanks fer lettin me squeak by.
Jim “Rasta for Jesus” Day
I’m a 54 year old long-time fan. Love your music. Can’t wait for the Blue Like Jazz movie. Well…I guess it’s not that I can’t wait. Looks like I’ll have to. Oh well.
Blessings
Oh, my. Here I was going to stick to MySpace. Any plans to join there, too?
(sigh) Last month I succumb to Twitter for Neil Gaiman, and now it looks as though I will be joining the ranks of Facebook. Only for you, Steve.
Great post. Nice blog design also, troubling to see your RSS feed though :S
I couldn’t agree more, what a waste of time, and i have so many other things to do with my time, maybe somebody needs to tell the point of all that crap because i just don’t get it!!!!